My Dogs Ruin Everything!

So, as I said in my last post, my boyfriend and I were in a car accident a few months ago. Luckily, everyone was ok but my poor little car was totaled. We can’t function without two cars so we had to put our grown-up panties on and get a new car. We agreed upon and purchased a Kia Soul. This car is fancy, guys. Well…I guess it’s not like SUPER fancy but it’s definitely the nicest car I have ever owned. Let me tell you, the shit they will charge you for with a new car is effing ridiculous! Car mats, for example, are $150.00. Let me repeat, $150.00 dollars for some cheap ass carpet floor mats. Unreal. So, during the purchasing process nightmare we tell them we don’t want their sketchy mats. I’ll take that $150.00 and get a new wardrobe, thank you very much. Actually let’s be honest, that money will get sucked away by the dogs. “Oh no!”, they say, “We will throw them in for free”. I’m pretty sure they just, like, come with the car…but whatever…I swear I’m getting to the point soon…

 

Soooooo… We decide to order some mats from Ebay for $15.00 and our plan was to seal up the originals for when we eventually decide to sell the car or trade it in. I, of course, ordered some awesome hot pink, cheetah print mats. I’ve never had anything so fun for a car and I was really excited to get these. I waited and waited..having my boyfriend coming home on his lunch breaks to check for the package.  I finally came home from a particularly stressful day to see this…

Thanks for taking my little piece of joy

I guess my bf, knowing what kind of pissy mood I was in, decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to text me and let me know the whole package had been eaten. If you have dogs, expect every little moment of joy to be taken away and replaced with stinky, hot, sometimes smells like cat shit, dog breath.

Long Time, No See..

I realize I haven’t updated this blog in a long, long time. Life has gotten the better of me, I’m afraid. Kessler became very sick, we were afraid we would have to put him down. He stopped eating, drinking or moving. He needed 24 hour nursing for about 2 months and we had a lot of sleepless night. I’m so happy to report that he is much better and zips around like a little rocket. It has not been officially determined but I’m 100% convinced that he was sick from the Trifexis we were giving him. If you are a dog owner, I would encourage you to look up Trifexis online and read some of the reports.

We acquired another dog because we are compassionate people animal hoarders and she just happened to be pregnant. So, finding homes and cleaning up shit kept up busy for a while. Then..a few months ago..we were in an out-of-town car accident and let me tell you how fun it is to be stranded at night in an unfamiliar city..here’s a secret..it sucks.  I don’t have any photos of weird shit my dogs eat right now – my phone is charging in the bedroom – so here is a really quick picture update of what has happened up until now.

Newest addition, Maggie, who also happened to be a slut with a belly full of puppies.

Puppies! We found homes for all of them except one…

This puppy was never adopted because she’s a hot mess, so we kept her. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

My poor little squishy car. RIP, Sammy. You were an awesome little thing. I think about you when I drive around in Sammy 2 with my fancy bluetooth calling.

And last, but not least, what do you do when you find yourself with a blog that you suck at updating? You make another! Check out my sister blog, http://weirdshitmyboyfriendsays.wordpress.com/!

My Dog Is An Asshole

Kessler says, “F$@# your job!”.

My Dogs Are Cutting Me Off From The World

My boyfriend and I came home the other day from a nice time out and found that our dogs decided they wanted to close us off from the world…captors tend to do that.  I only get one paper a week guys!  WTF?!  Why are these dogs still around?  I have concluded that my boyfriend and I suffer from Stockholm Syndrome.

“Stockholm Syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.”

 

My Dog Has No Shame!

Abella is a female dog and she is a little over a year (she is the one that looks like a little weasel). Who Dat is a male dog and is about 7 months. They have a very dysfunctional relationship.

My Dog Doesn’t Appreciate How Hard I Work.

So, I don’t have any reports on weird shit my dogs eat today because I spent my entire day outside dancing (I’m a dancer/performance artist/wannabe actress) in a site-specific show. My wonderful boyfriend came and brought our 3-month old, Kessler. If you watch the video long enough, you will see that Kessler could care less that I was out there busting my ass trying to make some money to buy him stupid organic biscuits.

When My House Is Messy, I Just Blame It On The Dogs!!

The Problem:

Take that, Brawny Man!!

“Sociopaths are incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse.”

Solution!:

Don’t touch that fan or so help me God!!

Welcome!

Welcome to “Weird Shit My Dogs Eat”!  My dogs eat/do some weird shit so I decided to bypass the dog shaming website and shame them through their own personal shaming blog.  Since I have just started this and already cleaned up the weird shit they ate today, we will do a Throwback Thursday!

A couple weeks ago, I came home to find this.

Thanks guys, for eating my super fancy  probably overpriced Whole Foods supplements.  This bottle was almost brand new.